Living With Fibromyalgia

It never seems to fail.  The minute I think I have my fibromyalgia under control…a new symptom jumps out and gets me.  I start thinking, my fibromyalgia has not really “flared” real bad in a long time, PRAISE THE LORD, knock on wood, whatever I have to do to keep things going smoothly.  

I have  had a pretty good few weeks with my fibro, the pain was there, it never leaves, but it was bearable.  I was working, babysitting, playing my kids(and the ones I babysit for)being a “wife” to my husband in every aspect that is important to a marriage, a friend to the friends that have stuck by me through thick and thin, I was able to be the one helping others out when they needed it, instead of being the one that always needed help.  Even though I hurt, I felt almost human.  Then a little over a week ago, I got a flu or a cold, and went downhill very fast.  I spiraled down the fibro slide right into a flare waiting for me at the bottom.  I haven’t come out of my flare yet either.  I am still in so much pain, and on top of hurting ALL OVER MY BODY, I now have a pain in my side that I have had before and gone to the doctor for before, just to find out it’s fibromyalgia, rearing it’s ugly head once again.  I have had ruptured cysts on my ovaries(or atleast the fluid from a popped cyst) and they have caused this pain and there isn’t anything they want to do for me, so I lay around hurting for days on end…waiting for the pain to stop, and you can almost guarantee, by the time I would make it to the doctor for it, it would be significantly better or just AS bad as it was, but all the tests come back negative.  Fibromyalgia can affect any part of your body, your mind, your muscles, joints, and your insides. 

I know that I am going to come out of this flare and feel pretty good but right now, I just want somebody to take care of my kids for me, and my dogs for me and make them their meals.  I don’t want to ask anybody though because I have been working more hours and babysitting that I don’t feel right asking somebody to take them after being away from them for so long.  Right now…I want to crawl in my bed and sleep, but I am a mommy to two young children that need me to get up(not easy)get them dressed(really not easy) and make them meals(really really not easy)and keep them from beating each other up or getting hurt from climbing on or in things(extremely tiring and difficult to do).

I can’t wait until I get back to my pain that doesn’t cause me to bend over in pain, and I am having a very hard time coping with the idea of this causing me so much pain and dealing with the fact that I am 28 years old…29 in a few weeks…and I am going to have this monster in my muscles and body for the REST of my life.  I have been short tempered with my husband and children because I don’t feel well and even though I know I am doing it…it’s like an outer body experience, I can see that I am being wretched, and nasty, but I can’t seem to stop the garbage things I say from coming out of my mouth.  I have found myself in a position I don’t EVER like to be in, I have to apologize.  I have to find a way to make it up to my husband for being so awful to him.  I hurt so bad, I just want everybody to let me rest, but it’s impossible.

I know this too shall pass…and that is what I am hanging on for.

I am a mother to two very young children who were very excited by their visit from the easter bunny.  Very excited.  I used to think being my kids’ easter bunny was going to be so much fun, just like being my kids’ santa claus., and while it is so wonderful to see the joy in their eyes, it is also , extremely difficult to stay up later preparing for it, and getting up earlier than them to finish setting up the easter bunny scene.

This year for Easter, I cheated.  I ordered a pre made Easter Basket from a local video store.  They were the cutest baskets that were plush and able to be used by my kids for other things, and it wasn’t all jam packed with candy either so we didn’t have to have the sugar rush on top of the busyness of the holiday.  I know that I may have been able to do their Easter baskets cheaper on my own, but I needed to take a short cut somewhere. 

We have been doing Easter Egg hunts at local community hunts, and I have been doing more work outside the home, so I needed to cut back somewhere…and I didn’t want to cheat my kids of Easter baskets.  We colored eggs a few days ago and every egg my 1 1/2 year old colored wound up broken, but she had a blast so it didn’t matter, and almost every egg my 3 1/2 year old colored came out orange, his favorite color.  My husband had the incredible hulk fingers and hands because he preferred green and instead of using a spoon or an egg grabber, he used his hands. (okay..I admit it, I used my hands too.)  My husband and I both wound up with more egg color on us than either one of our kids, and it was fun, but even coloring eggs, bending over the kids to help them get their eggs out and then taking them out of their chairs and into the tub…wore me out.  My husband had to finish bath time because I simply could not go anymore.  I never knew coloring Easter eggs was strenuous, but I felt like I had just completed a marathon.  Goes to show, you never really know what you take for granted before you have fibromyalgia, even something as simple as coloring Easter eggs is exhausting.

I had some baking to do for this holiday and had to include my little man because he loves to help his mommy bake.  It doesn’t matter if we are doing a simple boxed cake, or a cheesecake or chocolate chip cookies…whatever it is, he wants to help.  He really does help now, now that he has the hang of it, but before we “mastered mommy and me baking time” it was way more work than I was wanting to deal with.  I am glad I did though because he does quite a bit of the work…and he thinks it’s fun.

We had to go to two places for Easter because my husband’s parents didn’t have anybody going to their house, so we couldn’t have them alone on Easter, and my grandma wanted to do something that evening for Easter, and we had already confirmed lunch with my inlaws…so grandma’s was a few hours afterwards.  In between that, I had to find a way to get my kids to take a nap so we could get through the rest of the day, my son just wanted to play and my daughter wouldn’t sleep, so I took her to the bedroom and laid down with her and must have been more worn out than I thought I was because I fell asleep and was out until my daughter woke up from her nap with mommy.  She loved sleeping with mommy, but I never take naps because if I do, I am up all night, which is what is going on right now.

Now…everybody is asleep…my son in his room finally, and my daughter in hers, my husband is out like a light as well as my two dogs and my cats and I am mad because I want to sleep, but because i was too worn out to stay awake from the hustle and bustle of this busy weekend,  Iwound up taking a nap and now I am wide awake.

I never knew fibromyalgia would cause me to dread some of my most cherished holidays.  Nowadays, Easter and Christmas, Halloween and the fouth of July have become way too much work.  I miss the days where I could bake cookies and party with my friends, and still function happily at all the family gatherings.  I still love the quality family time, but don’t love how I feel tonight.

I know have a house to clean that seems like a tornado moved through it…even though it was cleaned last night.

Hello Tod and sarahreidle. I am new here too but it looks like this is a new board.
Fibromyalgia steals more than just relationships, causes more than just pain.
It steals lives one day at a time…
Each day is pain, pain reduces energy, energy reduces quality of life. Fibrofog steals the most important thing… our ability to think and communicate. We loose words all the time, the phrase “it is on the tip of my tongue” was ment for fibromyalgia sufferers… it had to be because we live it daily. People think we are distracted, slow or unable to perform out jobs because we miss things, that we would otherwise not miss. If you are a supervisor it is even worse as employees chat over if you are drinking during your breaks because your speech may be slurred, or you may appear unattentive.
Our world shrinks on a daily basis.
We go on disability or loose our jobs, our world shrinks.
We experience fatigue, our world shrinks.
we loose our independance, our world shrinks.

Loved ones want to help but are frustrated, they see us in pain and can do nothing, outside friends and family members do not believe we are sick, children do not understand why we can not attend events with them…

Our world gets ever smaller…
It hurts to sit
it hurts to stand
even a loving hug can cause pain.